May 20, 2011

The End of the World

So, apparently, the world is fated to end very soon. The apocalypse is scheduled to begin this Saturday. This is interesting, and I must say that I’m kind of looking forward to it. As I allow my vast imagination to comprehend the scale of this vague disaster, I have become very currious about what will actually happen. So I have a few questions that I’d like to see answered when it all goes down.

  1. Will there be Nukes?
  2. If so, will Godzilla approve of the Nukes?
  3. Will there be Zombies?
  4. If there will not be Zombies, why not? Are they too busy?
  5. When Jesus appears, will he have a jetpack like I’ve always imagined he would?
  6. Will we still have to go to work/school/dental appointments?
  7. Will Santa Claus be safe, or will he be the first to fall?
  8. If we don’t die right away, will we just mutate into hideous creatures? (Hope so)
  9. How does the Bulk Barn factor into post-apocalyptic society?
  10. Will this be a true test of the durability of Twinkies?

Above all, it is my hope that, somehow, the end of human civilization will eventually result in the return of dinosaurs. That would be totally cool and, to me, would make it all worth while just knowing that dinosaurs got their second chance.

Anyway, it’s been a good run and I have no regrets.

Actually, no. That was a complete lie. I’m not ready for the apocalypse yet! It hasn’t been a good run at all! There are still a billion things I want to do! I’m too awesome to die!


Well, it’s not a big secret if you’re following me on Twitter, but for those of you who missed it, I shaved my head again.

2006 was the last time I shaved my head. I liked it like that so I don’t really have a good reason as to why I stopped and let it grow long. I think I just wanted to try and be a normal person for awhile. So much for that! For a short while I was maintaining it and getting my hair cut regularly, but eventually just gave that up and let it grow.

It had gotten pretty long over the years and I knew the time was coming to do something with it. I wanted to get a passport photo done and knew that I wasn’t going to keep the long hair forever. Besides that, I felt that it was time to return to what I considered my true self. The long hair was cool, but I always knew it was temporary. In my mind I was really a bald bandanna badass.

So, last week, right before Easter, my pony tail was cut off to be donated to people who make wigs for cancer patients. I wanted to make sure that I waited for my hair to be long enough to donate before I cut it all off. The asymmetrical mess that was left behind got clipped down as far as I could. It was like cutting through barbed wire with a kitchen knife. So, for the first time ever, I busted out the shaving cream and sliced it all right down to the skin. It’s been several days now so it’s starting to really grow back, but I will be keeping it at least down to peach-fuzz as often as possible.

The one thing that I can say about the difference between going from having long hair to having no hair is that the back of my neck feels really cold most of the time. I’ve got my bandanna keeping me warm up top but there is definitely something missing in the back. The other major difference is that I had to get rid of my awesome Go Nagai sideburns. I think bald guys with long sideburns look stupid, so they had to go. Hopefully my Koji Kabuto-esque burning justice didn’t go with them.

At any rate, bald Ninjatron is back. Commence with the quaking with fear!