May 20, 2011

The End of the World

So, apparently, the world is fated to end very soon. The apocalypse is scheduled to begin this Saturday. This is interesting, and I must say that I’m kind of looking forward to it. As I allow my vast imagination to comprehend the scale of this vague disaster, I have become very currious about what will actually happen. So I have a few questions that I’d like to see answered when it all goes down.

  1. Will there be Nukes?
  2. If so, will Godzilla approve of the Nukes?
  3. Will there be Zombies?
  4. If there will not be Zombies, why not? Are they too busy?
  5. When Jesus appears, will he have a jetpack like I’ve always imagined he would?
  6. Will we still have to go to work/school/dental appointments?
  7. Will Santa Claus be safe, or will he be the first to fall?
  8. If we don’t die right away, will we just mutate into hideous creatures? (Hope so)
  9. How does the Bulk Barn factor into post-apocalyptic society?
  10. Will this be a true test of the durability of Twinkies?

Above all, it is my hope that, somehow, the end of human civilization will eventually result in the return of dinosaurs. That would be totally cool and, to me, would make it all worth while just knowing that dinosaurs got their second chance.

Anyway, it’s been a good run and I have no regrets.

Actually, no. That was a complete lie. I’m not ready for the apocalypse yet! It hasn’t been a good run at all! There are still a billion things I want to do! I’m too awesome to die!



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